(no subject)

Month of November...fucking bites.

Nanowrimo word count 617...yay for another year doing down the fucking drain

I'm just on the verge of ripping my fucking hair out.

Oh and Oil Harbour might be closing down again...woo! ~rolls eyes~ yes i'm in a LOVELY mood.

i just seriously wanna shoot myself...

P.S. JEN SAVE ME!!! I need to be surrounded by writers!
  • Current Music

(no subject)

Today is going to fucking SUCK! lol...today i start classes...blah.

MWF- Photography I 8-9:30 and then i have work from 11-4:30
Tuesdays and Thursdays - Photo Editing 9-10:15 and the same time for work

I am so fucking tired right now and i have to leave in ten mins for class. I'm a lil nervous but then again i'm not.

I'M GETTING A NEW CAMERA!!!!!! ~big ass grin~ i s o can't fucking wait. I'll have three cameras now. Kodak Advantix, Digital and now this one...it's a minolta and it's preeeeeeeetty. and I'M buying it. Well my mom is charg ing it but i'm paying her back. ..but i'm still buying it!

Oh man i almost hyperventilated yesterday cause my friend Chantel told me about the hanson concert out and i was just like whoa....what ????? so i checked their site and it's been confirmed ...i litareally fucking screamed and almost cried. No...i am not a teeny bopper. When you like band for 7 years and their music has saved your life 3 times i think ya get a lil excited to see em live. Plus they fucking rock live. they are on those bands that seriously make gape at them cause they are so fucking amazing live. I wish some of my friends ~coughfuckerdavidcough~ would give them at least once chance....i converted my friend Jessica so that's awesome and she wants to go butshe can't wah. So far it's just me and Candace but i'll talk to tiff and i kno wshe 'll go too. GAH! i can't wait.

And this weekend me and candace are going to Sedona.. .i really hope i get my camera b y then lol. i'm a happy girl right now. Well i got 6 mins...so i'm gonna go now.

Ang if you read this....I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! ~winks and molests you like mad~

Chantel: you fucking rock girly I LOVE YOU!!!!


Off to school
  • Current Music
    Send Me an Angel ~ Scorpions

(no subject)

oh yeah...i formed another rpg.... www.greatestjournal.com/users/moonlit_whisper

haha...let's see how long this one lasts....it seems like i can't even keep a fucking Rpg running......

Yes i will shut up now, don't worry.
  • Current Mood
    cynical cynical

Just fucking blah

I feel like absolute shit right now...seriously.

Stuff with David have not improved and next week i know i am gonna have to write him the letter...i don't want too but i have too.. .~sighs~

I'm fucking up with my online friends now too.......now i feel incredibly guilty for even telling what i felt. Maybe i am a bad friend, i seem to fuck up all the damn time and make damn sure to make them feel like they can't come to talk to me. When i want them too.

yep that's my newest update...oh yeah and i'm sorry for not updating in a long time...i just seem to not care.

Sings: "Here i go again on my own.....like a twister i was born to roam alone...."
  • Current Mood
    nauseated nauseated

I ask again...WHAT THE FUCK?

So...i leave for a few night and i come back and all hell has gone sprung up.

I left on thursday and got into cali at around ten. My cousin shannon instantly hugged me and said she missed and started crying. I was like...you missed me THAT much/ how could someone miss me that much? Then everyone starts talking about my Uncle Rick (the one who died) and the bitch Osi (his FUCKED up wife). Come to find out that they had a "meeting" and that my grandma would get the urn and osi the ashes. Then osi says no i want you to have it...it's only right that his mother has it. And before my uncle died, he gave this collage that he had made to my mom. So my mom took it. So at the funeral, we go in and the stupid preist is up there and what not, FIFTEEN MINUTES after it had started, in comes the fucking bitch and her BOYFRIEND and her kids who each brought like fucking five friends with them. Their all taling louad and what not...and on the fucking family side we are all crying and trying to listen to my Uncle Franks Eulogy (he's the older brother). And what frank said fucking broke my heart. Then we played a song that Rick sang called the wake that is about being set free. God i broke down crying so hard when i heard his voice...then my cousin shannon started sobbing next to me. It was getting to be to much. Now one thing you have to know is that my WHOLE family is obsessed with Ozzy osbourne. So we played the song "See you on the other side" by him. The fucking priest stands up there and says "I dont'know really what ozzy is trying to sayin that that song and blah blah lbha" i wanted to stand up and say "THENM YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID!" While Frank was speaking...the bitch was laughing with her boyfriend and looking bored. God i wanted to kill her. So the preist gets back up there and he's spouting all this bullshit and i wanted to hit him cause he was preaching...i wanted to yell go to your fucking christian hell!
Anyway...when it was all said and done, one of Rick's kids went up to the collage that my uncle told my mom to take and started to take it down. That started a huge fight thing. And then osi...god...started yelling at my uncle frank...screaming and cussing, saying that we were going to get my uncle's remains. That she's going to press charges if any of us took them. OH MY FUCKING GOD! i wanted to kill her. My mom is sittingin the truck sobbing so hard she can't breathe...and she kept saying "she won't leave him alone...even now." so my uncle Frank said fuck you, i'llget arrested. my grandma thank god talked him out of it. So we got the urn, which we had originally planned. I was so exhausted and so lost that when we got to the after thing, i crashed and slept for like three hours. I kept dreaming about the look on my uncle Jimmy's face (the youngest of the brothers...the order goes my mom Terry, Frank, Rick ~the one who died~ and Jimmy), he looks so young and helpless but not. He put his head in his hands and started sobbing. That made everyone cry even harder. ~sighs~ So yeah...that was the funeral...it was beautiful and my uncle Franks eulogy was so well done...until that fucking cunt showed up. GOD I FUCKING HATE HER! She wasn't even taking care of him! SHE LET HIM FUCKING WASTE AWAY! She woulnd't feed him or anything! He was so fucking helpless! god! you know...it didn't affect me this bad until my mom called me and told me that the herb mixture i had made for him helped. Cause when someone is going on Dialysis...they are supposed to puke their lifes blood. And that's what is his worst fear was...and he didn't...he passed in his sleep. THANK YOU MY LORD AND LADY FOR THAT! That tore me up, so i had to leave work and go home.

So..i come home, all freaking geared up for Oil_Harbour. And find out Ash is still wanting to leave and that she hates it. So i'm lost there, not really knowing what to do or how i'm gonna handle everything. I seriously feel like my head is spinning so fast that i'll collapse when it finally stops. But i'm not gonna pull out. If anything...i'm going to make it better. Cause Oil_Haroubr is my life...i have no life remember?


My current Mood you ask?
Enraged, Crushed, drained, depressed, numb, tense, and very very violent.
  • Current Music
    Ron Chirping

(no subject)

Wow...i haven't posted in a long time huh? lol. So yeah...a lot more happened in the past few days than in the past month...sad really.

First, my uncle Frank invited me to Lake Mohave for my birthday so i'm goin, if david and Candace can go that is. If i'm by myself than i can't, not driving up myself. I'm really excited about it cause it's a miny road trip! David said yes that he'll go unless something pops up. so yeah. My realy birthday is June 1 and i'm goin 12-14. So it should be fun.

Well...things kinda changed last night...grrrrr.

Last night i could my mom screaming at my favorite uncle (her little brother, Frank)on the phone. so i was like...what th hell is goin on? So this morning i find out that my other uncle (their younger brother, Rick) has only 3 months to live...and he was told this awhile ago so we have no idea when this is really gonna happen. And my mom told me that my uncle frank has been spreading lies about my mom within the family. I'm just like at a loss here...there is so much shit goin on ....i'm not sure what to think. ~shakes head~

Ren Fair kicks ass this year even though i am killing myself financially. Mental note...March is a haaaaard month. But after this year it shouldn't be too bad, seeing that i'll have pretty much everything for my character. this sunday we are getting whole new costumes which will be awesome...i just hope everything goes the way i plan and that i can afford it ~crosses fingers~ I wrote Jen some emails but she hasn't gotten back to me so i have to call her tomorrow to make sure of some things.

I'm actually gonna be pretty busy this week. thursday, goin over to David's house, Friday goin to candaces, Saturday i'm free so if you wanna hang out call me, and sunday is the last day of fair. And don't worry i'll have pics.

Um...if all of you are wonderng about louis...he's an ass...he doens't even care...so i stopped.

Um...my rpg Oil Harbour is so kick ass. EVeryone must go read! Well those who like hanson lol. the link is
http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/Oil_Harbour and click on friends to see the real journals and what not.

Um...i'm exhausted so me go to bed now.

  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted

la la la Hanson mix

i thought i would share cause i love the new cd i made...it is so cute!

1 Smile
2 Back to the island
3 Min W/o you
4 Love Song
5 Deeper
6. Poison ivy
7 Yearbook
8 Song to Sing
9 Penny and Me
10 Lucy
11 Wish that i was there
12 Misery
13 MMMBop
14 in the city
15 Can't stop
16 Down
17 Rock N Roll

I think i might change or add a few things...and if you notice i have it so ike's solos go first, then tay's, then zac's, then the group. It's so cute to hear their voice change. Anyway...thought i would share lol.

  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful

this fucking sucks....

Ok...so as i said before i was dreading Louis comin over and talking...and now i understand why...

He first came over and we watched tv and then him, me and my mom went out to eat. When we got back i tortured him with Hanson and then we went outside. We started flirting around and stuff...nothing happened and i was fine with that. We went into my car cause i was tired of sitting on the other one. He kept telling me to talk...to say what was on my mind...so i finally did and oh my god...it took a turn for the worse. I foudn out that he does like me...but he can't go out with me cause he is afraid of what his friends and parents will think of him. I felt like i was getting hit with a hammer...I once again ask...why am i the unforgivable one? Why am i punished for being different? I haven't done anything wrong! I'm not saying this cause oh now i can't have a b/f wah wah i am just so sick of people thinking i am a bad person for not believing in what everyone else believes in.

I told him some stuff that i can't say in here...and now i feel so vulnerable....i hate it when i feel like that. I always get fucked when i do that. So...i am bottling this up...and building up my wall again.

And i don't care who reads this....i really don't care anymore.
  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

Long Awaited Entry

Anyhoo...i know i haven't updated in a long time...sorry about that. This week has been strange so far. I only worked three days...that kind of blowed but oh well. Last night i was supposed to hang out with my friend anthony but he bailed on me. Today i was supposed to hang out with David but he kinda bailed on me. I did put a guilt trip on him and he came over for a little bit and said he liked my costume. He said he'd call me tomorrow after work...he wants to know what happens with me and Louis. And Sunday we are hanging out lol. I don't care what he says.

I am so happy...i have almost everything for my costume for Saturday! all i need is my pet and my mask! woohoo! ~does happy dance~ I want tomorrow/today over with so i can get to the fair. the only thing i am not looking forward to is seeing Tiffany. I hope i don't see her...i don't know how i am gonna act. I wish David was going with us...he just seems to know how to calm me down when i get overworked. OH well...he said he'd go with us deffinetly so yay! He's dressing up i hope he knows! I know i am going this sat...one time i am going with Jen and Jd, once with Rachel i believe and more times with Candace. I hope to drag my friend Jessica but she is constantly working. ah well...i still love her.

I'm actually not looking forward to seeing louis. David gave me some really good advie and i am ging to take it for once. I'm not letting it go any further than kissing. That's all i can handle right now. even that might be going to far...cause i feel like the only reason why he might want to see me is so he can get some frustration out. I don't know. I just hope everything goes well. Please wish me luck. ~sigh~

oh jen...it's a diffenite no for gabe coming with us ~pouts~ dammit.

Me gonna go now ttyl!

  • Current Music
    ~Animal Precinct~