| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|01:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Daria | ] |
Month of November...fucking bites.
Nanowrimo word count 617...yay for another year doing down the fucking drain
I'm just on the verge of ripping my fucking hair out.
Oh and Oil Harbour might be closing down again...woo! ~rolls eyes~ yes i'm in a LOVELY mood.
i just seriously wanna shoot myself...
P.S. JEN SAVE ME!!! I need to be surrounded by writers! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2004|07:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Send Me an Angel ~ Scorpions | ] |
Today is going to fucking SUCK! lol...today i start classes...blah.
MWF- Photography I 8-9:30 and then i have work from 11-4:30
Tuesdays and Thursdays - Photo Editing 9-10:15 and the same time for work
I am so fucking tired right now and i have to leave in ten mins for class. I'm a lil nervous but then again i'm not.
I'M GETTING A NEW CAMERA!!!!!! ~big ass grin~ i s o can't fucking wait. I'll have three cameras now. Kodak Advantix, Digital and now this one...it's a minolta and it's preeeeeeeetty. and I'M buying it. Well my mom is charg ing it but i'm paying her back. ..but i'm still buying it!
Oh man i almost hyperventilated yesterday cause my friend Chantel told me about the hanson concert out and i was just like whoa....what ????? so i checked their site and it's been confirmed ...i litareally fucking screamed and almost cried. No...i am not a teeny bopper. When you like band for 7 years and their music has saved your life 3 times i think ya get a lil excited to see em live. Plus they fucking rock live. they are on those bands that seriously make gape at them cause they are so fucking amazing live. I wish some of my friends ~coughfuckerdavidcough~ would give them at least once chance....i converted my friend Jessica so that's awesome and she wants to go butshe can't wah. So far it's just me and Candace but i'll talk to tiff and i kno wshe 'll go too. GAH! i can't wait.
And this weekend me and candace are going to Sedona.. .i really hope i get my camera b y then lol. i'm a happy girl right now. Well i got 6 mins...so i'm gonna go now.
Ang if you read this....I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! ~winks and molests you like mad~
Chantel: you fucking rock girly I LOVE YOU!!!!
Alex: I LOVE YOU LI L SIS!!!!!!! ~TACKLES YOU~
Off to school |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cynical | ] |
oh yeah...i formed another rpg.... www.greatestjournal.com/users/moonlit_whisper
haha...let's see how long this one lasts....it seems like i can't even keep a fucking Rpg running......
Yes i will shut up now, don't worry. |
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| Just fucking blah |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|08:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
I feel like absolute shit right now...seriously.
Stuff with David have not improved and next week i know i am gonna have to write him the letter...i don't want too but i have too.. .~sighs~
I'm fucking up with my online friends now too.......now i feel incredibly guilty for even telling what i felt. Maybe i am a bad friend, i seem to fuck up all the damn time and make damn sure to make them feel like they can't come to talk to me. When i want them too.
yep that's my newest update...oh yeah and i'm sorry for not updating in a long time...i just seem to not care.
Sings: "Here i go again on my own.....like a twister i was born to roam alone...." |
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| I ask again...WHAT THE FUCK? |
[Apr. 18th, 2004|12:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ron Chirping | ] |
So...i leave for a few night and i come back and all hell has gone sprung up.
I left on thursday and got into cali at around ten. My cousin shannon instantly hugged me and said she missed and started crying. I was like...you missed me THAT much/ how could someone miss me that much? Then everyone starts talking about my Uncle Rick (the one who died) and the bitch Osi (his FUCKED up wife). Come to find out that they had a "meeting" and that my grandma would get the urn and osi the ashes. Then osi says no i want you to have it...it's only right that his mother has it. And before my uncle died, he gave this collage that he had made to my mom. So my mom took it. So at the funeral, we go in and the stupid preist is up there and what not, FIFTEEN MINUTES after it had started, in comes the fucking bitch and her BOYFRIEND and her kids who each brought like fucking five friends with them. Their all taling louad and what not...and on the fucking family side we are all crying and trying to listen to my Uncle Franks Eulogy (he's the older brother). And what frank said fucking broke my heart. Then we played a song that Rick sang called the wake that is about being set free. God i broke down crying so hard when i heard his voice...then my cousin shannon started sobbing next to me. It was getting to be to much. Now one thing you have to know is that my WHOLE family is obsessed with Ozzy osbourne. So we played the song "See you on the other side" by him. The fucking priest stands up there and says "I dont'know really what ozzy is trying to sayin that that song and blah blah lbha" i wanted to stand up and say "THENM YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID!" While Frank was speaking...the bitch was laughing with her boyfriend and looking bored. God i wanted to kill her. So the preist gets back up there and he's spouting all this bullshit and i wanted to hit him cause he was preaching...i wanted to yell go to your fucking christian hell!
Anyway...when it was all said and done, one of Rick's kids went up to the collage that my uncle told my mom to take and started to take it down. That started a huge fight thing. And then osi...god...started yelling at my uncle frank...screaming and cussing, saying that we were going to get my uncle's remains. That she's going to press charges if any of us took them. OH MY FUCKING GOD! i wanted to kill her. My mom is sittingin the truck sobbing so hard she can't breathe...and she kept saying "she won't leave him alone...even now." so my uncle Frank said fuck you, i'llget arrested. my grandma thank god talked him out of it. So we got the urn, which we had originally planned. I was so exhausted and so lost that when we got to the after thing, i crashed and slept for like three hours. I kept dreaming about the look on my uncle Jimmy's face (the youngest of the brothers...the order goes my mom Terry, Frank, Rick ~the one who died~ and Jimmy), he looks so young and helpless but not. He put his head in his hands and started sobbing. That made everyone cry even harder. ~sighs~ So yeah...that was the funeral...it was beautiful and my uncle Franks eulogy was so well done...until that fucking cunt showed up. GOD I FUCKING HATE HER! She wasn't even taking care of him! SHE LET HIM FUCKING WASTE AWAY! She woulnd't feed him or anything! He was so fucking helpless! god! you know...it didn't affect me this bad until my mom called me and told me that the herb mixture i had made for him helped. Cause when someone is going on Dialysis...they are supposed to puke their lifes blood. And that's what is his worst fear was...and he didn't...he passed in his sleep. THANK YOU MY LORD AND LADY FOR THAT! That tore me up, so i had to leave work and go home.
So..i come home, all freaking geared up for Oil_Harbour. And find out Ash is still wanting to leave and that she hates it. So i'm lost there, not really knowing what to do or how i'm gonna handle everything. I seriously feel like my head is spinning so fast that i'll collapse when it finally stops. But i'm not gonna pull out. If anything...i'm going to make it better. Cause Oil_Haroubr is my life...i have no life remember?
Sandy
My current Mood you ask?
Enraged, Crushed, drained, depressed, numb, tense, and very very violent. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2004|10:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Wow...i haven't posted in a long time huh? lol. So yeah...a lot more happened in the past few days than in the past month...sad really.
First, my uncle Frank invited me to Lake Mohave for my birthday so i'm goin, if david and Candace can go that is. If i'm by myself than i can't, not driving up myself. I'm really excited about it cause it's a miny road trip! David said yes that he'll go unless something pops up. so yeah. My realy birthday is June 1 and i'm goin 12-14. So it should be fun.
Well...things kinda changed last night...grrrrr.
Last night i could my mom screaming at my favorite uncle (her little brother, Frank)on the phone. so i was like...what th hell is goin on? So this morning i find out that my other uncle (their younger brother, Rick) has only 3 months to live...and he was told this awhile ago so we have no idea when this is really gonna happen. And my mom told me that my uncle frank has been spreading lies about my mom within the family. I'm just like at a loss here...there is so much shit goin on ....i'm not sure what to think. ~shakes head~
Ren Fair kicks ass this year even though i am killing myself financially. Mental note...March is a haaaaard month. But after this year it shouldn't be too bad, seeing that i'll have pretty much everything for my character. this sunday we are getting whole new costumes which will be awesome...i just hope everything goes the way i plan and that i can afford it ~crosses fingers~ I wrote Jen some emails but she hasn't gotten back to me so i have to call her tomorrow to make sure of some things.
I'm actually gonna be pretty busy this week. thursday, goin over to David's house, Friday goin to candaces, Saturday i'm free so if you wanna hang out call me, and sunday is the last day of fair. And don't worry i'll have pics.
Um...if all of you are wonderng about louis...he's an ass...he doens't even care...so i stopped.
Um...my rpg Oil Harbour is so kick ass. EVeryone must go read! Well those who like hanson lol. the link is
http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/Oil_Harbour and click on friends to see the real journals and what not.
Um...i'm exhausted so me go to bed now.
Sandy |
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| la la la Hanson mix |
[Mar. 16th, 2004|07:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
i thought i would share cause i love the new cd i made...it is so cute!
1 Smile
2 Back to the island
3 Min W/o you
4 Love Song
5 Deeper
6. Poison ivy
7 Yearbook
8 Song to Sing
9 Penny and Me
10 Lucy
11 Wish that i was there
12 Misery
13 MMMBop
14 in the city
15 Can't stop
16 Down
17 Rock N Roll
I think i might change or add a few things...and if you notice i have it so ike's solos go first, then tay's, then zac's, then the group. It's so cute to hear their voice change. Anyway...thought i would share lol.
Sandy |
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| this fucking sucks.... |
[Feb. 20th, 2004|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Ok...so as i said before i was dreading Louis comin over and talking...and now i understand why...
He first came over and we watched tv and then him, me and my mom went out to eat. When we got back i tortured him with Hanson and then we went outside. We started flirting around and stuff...nothing happened and i was fine with that. We went into my car cause i was tired of sitting on the other one. He kept telling me to talk...to say what was on my mind...so i finally did and oh my god...it took a turn for the worse. I foudn out that he does like me...but he can't go out with me cause he is afraid of what his friends and parents will think of him. I felt like i was getting hit with a hammer...I once again ask...why am i the unforgivable one? Why am i punished for being different? I haven't done anything wrong! I'm not saying this cause oh now i can't have a b/f wah wah i am just so sick of people thinking i am a bad person for not believing in what everyone else believes in.
I told him some stuff that i can't say in here...and now i feel so vulnerable....i hate it when i feel like that. I always get fucked when i do that. So...i am bottling this up...and building up my wall again.
And i don't care who reads this....i really don't care anymore. |
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| Long Awaited Entry |
[Feb. 19th, 2004|11:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ~Animal Precinct~ | ] |
Anyhoo...i know i haven't updated in a long time...sorry about that. This week has been strange so far. I only worked three days...that kind of blowed but oh well. Last night i was supposed to hang out with my friend anthony but he bailed on me. Today i was supposed to hang out with David but he kinda bailed on me. I did put a guilt trip on him and he came over for a little bit and said he liked my costume. He said he'd call me tomorrow after work...he wants to know what happens with me and Louis. And Sunday we are hanging out lol. I don't care what he says.
I am so happy...i have almost everything for my costume for Saturday! all i need is my pet and my mask! woohoo! ~does happy dance~ I want tomorrow/today over with so i can get to the fair. the only thing i am not looking forward to is seeing Tiffany. I hope i don't see her...i don't know how i am gonna act. I wish David was going with us...he just seems to know how to calm me down when i get overworked. OH well...he said he'd go with us deffinetly so yay! He's dressing up i hope he knows! I know i am going this sat...one time i am going with Jen and Jd, once with Rachel i believe and more times with Candace. I hope to drag my friend Jessica but she is constantly working. ah well...i still love her.
I'm actually not looking forward to seeing louis. David gave me some really good advie and i am ging to take it for once. I'm not letting it go any further than kissing. That's all i can handle right now. even that might be going to far...cause i feel like the only reason why he might want to see me is so he can get some frustration out. I don't know. I just hope everything goes well. Please wish me luck. ~sigh~
oh jen...it's a diffenite no for gabe coming with us ~pouts~ dammit.
Me gonna go now ttyl!
Sandy |
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| i hate myself |
[Feb. 15th, 2004|11:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ~Gold Diggers~ | ] |
As much as i try to tell myself that i hate him or that i can't be friends with him....i still find myself likeing him...a lot. grrrr ~smashes head into desk~ We're gonna talk on Friday...i'm really curious to see what's going to happen...
I HAVE JEN MADE WINGS!!!! hehehe
And that is all |
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| do you have a bat??? |
[Feb. 5th, 2004|02:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
So yeah...i wake up and still feel like shit and have to go to school. I was so geared up and ready to go get my liscense...then my mom says no...i have to come home first so she can get my insurance shit taken care of. So amber picks me up and i go home and pull into the drive way...i fucking new i shouldn't have done that...when i tried to pull out to park infront of the house wham! i hit her fucking car. My mom came out and pretty much freaked on me...saying i am not responsible...and that i can't get my liscense until SHE thinks i am ready....i am so fucking pissed off right now....my sister said she would forgive me, not tell my dad and forget about it...if i wash her car. So i did...and my mom made me wash my car " I better not see any fucking scratches by the time you are done." IT'S MY FUCKING CAR...I AM PAYING FOR THE GOD DAMN THING! fucking a...I was so frustrated i started throwing shit and crying...i am so fucking tired of depending on them and WAITING for them to pick me up when they damn well know when i am off from school and work. So...i guess i have to wait another two weeks to get it....Jen i'm sorry...i was looking forward to driving to your house this weekend...and for my wings...i don't know when you would want to do that?
I fucking hate my life the majority of the time...
Sandy |
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| I hate my head |
[Feb. 5th, 2004|12:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | nervous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ~The Banger Sisters~ | ] |
blah...i should be in bed but i feel like absolute shit. I got a fucking migraine so i had to miss school...I HAD A TEST TODAY TOO! ~whines~ i was so pissed off. I wanted to shoot myself.
But anyway...i have to go to school tomorrow...and then i go to test for my liscnese....i'm actually really nervous aobut it....PLEASE WISH ME LUCK!
But me gonna go...i'm so tired.
Sandy |
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| la la la |
[Jan. 30th, 2004|09:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ron Crying...lol | ] |
So i am feeling a lot better and a lot more energetic than i have been in a few days. But yeah...last night was my first tast of writers class. I would love to go more times but i have a class that night. So saddness...oh well. If my class ever cancels on thursday's again like it did this week then i'll deffinetly go. but yeah that was a totally different experience. Having someone else read my sex scene. lmao. I really liked Jen's little exerpt of the piskies. It was really good. YOU LEFT YOUR MIXTURE HERE!!!! lol.
Everything is slowly starting to get together...i can feel it. Next week...hopefully thursday i will have my liscense. Then i won't have to deal with my parents moaning and groaning every time i have to be taken places. And i won't have to deal with my mother smoking in my poor baby! And yes...i named her luna hahaha. All my friends must come and see her...since i dont' know where most of you live lol. the first thing i am doing when i get it is...well of course go to class first...then go to Best Buy and suprise David. And if he wants me too i'll even pick him up from work and take him home. Meh. I haven't seen that boy in forever. Ah well. But i better get goin...gotta get ready for work...blah.
Sandy |
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| FUCKING A |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|09:22 pm] |
this is like the worst day ever....
When i got off of work my mom let me drive home but then she said oh...we need to go to the bank...so i drive down there. When i tried to pull out into guadalupe i ran over the curb and cut some guy off but my mom started screaming at me so i get really upset. then i went to get gas and i fucked up getting gas all over my car and on my fucking clothes. And by the time i got home...i had NO time to rest, eat, take a piss, or even wash the fucking gasoline off of my hands or clothes. I WENT TO FUCKING SCHOOL IN MY FUCKING WORK PANTS! I felt like total shit...my body hurt, i can't breathe. and i had no tissues...the teacher had no tissues...so i had to use my sleeve to wipe my nose. I felt so fucking embarrassed and dirty. Then i get out of that class...go to my reading class...where my teacher is a twit and feels like treating us like we are five...repeating herself like a billions times over. I got out early...but not before i fucking find out that i have to buy yet two more books! So i get out of class...call my house...the number is busy...call my dad he's not answering...call candace she can't pick me up cause she has to work. I am sitting there on campas crying, freaking out trying to figure out what the hell i am going to do. My body hurt, i was starving, pmsing, i had to pee....omg! OH and then...i get back in my room and there is a wonderful pile of shit in my room...am so tired and fucking frustrated. I am going to be dropping a lot of the shit that i am doing....i am dropping down to one rpg group....dropping the story that some girl wanted me to write for her. I would call in sick...but i can't...i need the fucking money. Orion, Luna...please fucking help me. here i go again....crying.
Sandy |
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| omg i am so happy |
[Jan. 25th, 2004|11:49 pm] |
i...have...a...fucking...car!!!! And my parents actually let me drive by myself today! Well it was to get my car out of the driveway and into the street etc...but still the parents werein the house and i was by myself...and the good news? i didn't freak! I drove for like two and a half hours straight today. Went to louis's house, then to david's and then back to Louis's and then to taco bell.
I am so happy right now i can't explain it...and it's notjust about the car don't worry. It's just everything. I don't know, i'm just weird maybe lol. I know this is short but i am sooo tired. |
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| Wow |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|03:47 pm] |
So yes, i started school this tuesday. I am already tired as hell. Today i paid for my tuition and my books today...omg i hate money arg. Things i have to pay for now...
1)Books
2)Car Payments
3)Insurance
4)phone bill
BLAH I SAY BLAh!
Here is my schedule if you are at all interested
Monday
8:30-4 Work
5:45-7 pm Math
7:10-9:45 Reading
Tuesday
9-10:15 am Mythology
11-4 pm Work
5:45-7 pm English
Wednesday
8:30-4 Work
5:45-7 Math
Thursday
9-10:15am Mythology
5:45-7 pm English
Friday
8:30-4 work
Saturday
8:30-4 work
This...is ....why....i am getting a new car! after i get i have one week to get my liscense or my dad's gonna kick my ass! yayness. I would write more but i got to get ready for class. ttyl!
Sandy |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|08:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Animal Planet | ] |
So jazzy perked up the night i posted about her being put to sleep. She's been eating, drinking and walking around. It's a massive turn around from what she used to be. It was shocking, and i am so happy. Thank you all for your thoughts...it helped alot.
Anyhoo...It's so nice to actually have a friend where i can actually say the stuff on my mind and not have to worry about being copied or told that they did it better...and yes i am talking about you Jen. it's also very nice to finally have someone who actually has faith in me and what i do. I'm very glad i got the guts to go to the witch's meeting...cause if i hadn't i would be friends with Jen. Another point for things happen for a reason.
I was going to post more but i stopped writing in this like two hours ago and now i am beyond tired...lol i'll post more later...ttyl! |
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| Hey all... |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|06:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
So yeah...we have finally decided to put my dog to sleep tomorrow at five. Which is right when i get off of work....and honest to god i can't be there. I just can't. So i have a huge ass favor to ask of you Jen...will you pick me up from work and could we go to the park or something? I'll still take your pictures and everything...get my mind off of it. And i can make your mixture while we are there. I'll bring everything i'll need with me too work so i won't have to go straight home. If you do this i will love you for ever. I am hoping you read this when you get home...if not. Whenever you get this...i don't care if it is late late tonight will you please call me and let me know? Thank you so much. I'm gonna send this to your email as well.
Thank you Andy for your comment and you know i love you and am here for you as well. And if i lived on my own i would so have you live with me.
Sandy |
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| such a lovely way to start the day....and yes the f word is my best friend today |
[Jan. 12th, 2004|10:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
| [ | music |
| | outragous ~ Brit | ] |
i will start this by saying i fucking hate my mom.
Last night my dog had a stroke and i was fucking upset....i TOLD MY PARENTS TO FUCKING TAKE HER TO THE GOD DAMN VET YEARS AGO! but do they listen? no...so they are taking her to the vet today. I wanted to go but...
1) I have to test for school and register and all that bs...if i don't do it now i will never get to do it.
2) i wouldn't be able to handle watching as they put her to sleep...i just couldn't...that dog has been in my life since i could remember.
So what does my lovely mother do? Put's a fucking guilt trip over my head saying what's more important? Doing your stupid school shit or being with your dog? WHAT THE FUCK? for months now that's alllllll they wanted me to do but i never got around to it so i am finally getting around to doing it and she puts this over my head? It's not like i don't have enough over my fucking head already. I'm sorry that my dog is dying...i can't do anything about that...she's extrememly old! I love her with all of my heart and the gods know that. But honestly...if i don't go register today, that means i won't be able to do it any other time, and that means no school until next year and also that means getting fucking kicked off of my parents insurance which my fucking parents were sooooo damn adament about. And then they wanted me to watch Tatum while they were gone...um hello? ~kicks something and it breaks~ I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE! And i am not a selfish bitch...just overly stressed, overly emotional, overly unhappy and fucking depressed. I want to move to ireland so bad....a swear to god...i am moving as soon as i can get the chance. Sorry this is a really bad entry but i am so fucking pissed and everything else and i have no one to talk to...well until candace gets here. But anyway....i'm goin now. Being a Gemini sucks sometimes.
I love you Jazzy and you know that....i dont' give a shit what the fuckers think.
Sandy
a.k.a iris |
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